Blood trickles in single drops down my neck. The warm fluid leaks from my ear, across my cheek, sliding all the way down to my chest - where it coalesces into the ragged cloth I wear. The elegant lady opposite me uses her golden biometric eye scanner to examine my condition, and within seconds, she knows. She gives me that wretched look, that disgusted fucking glance they all give when they find out - the same disgruntled look you give to a lonely rainy cloud on a beautiful sunny day. She will not help a self-inflicted wounded man, and why should she? In her reasoning, with the evidence of her diagnostic eyes, I’ve brought this blood on myself. As the train we occupy hovers above the magnetic track, it seems to create a buzzing sound that intensifies achingly with each slight turn. I gaze into the lady’s golden eyes to see if she hears the same obnoxious murmur, but she distastefully turns away. The only practical knowledge I receive from this cunt, is that posh people like her - would never want any interaction with an abhorred creature like me. The awful buzzing sound elevates, drowning out all other noise, reaching an agonising level. As if a thin pen is being willfully shoved into my ear canal by a demonic screeching tormentor standing on my shoulder, this cacophony of painful clamor ensnares me to this fucking bench. I place my palm fully covering my bleeding ear, trying to block the piercing turbulence, a futile attempt that by no means softens the growing anguish. The stinging thrusting sound dwells somewhere deep within my own mind, I can’t adapt to wherever this unfolding pain takes me. This feeling isn’t familiar; it circles around, hopefully fading away to then deceivingly coming back only to pierce in deeper. I need my cure, and I need it now, it’s my last vent out of here. I can only recall getting these harrowing feelings late at night when I’m alone and had to deal with them. But now, I have to act - here, where all my fellow passengers can witness my crime. Beneath the window, there’s a small table. I lean on it, clearing off the rubbish on top of it. It needs to be clean for what I’m about to do. The elegant lady retracts her legs from the falling debris, frowning in annoyance. If I administer the cure normally, it won’t start working immediately. I can’t wait for that long; I must crush those pills. Taking them out of the metal case embedded in my arm, I lay them on the small table. Just the perception of those precious pills and the sensibility of my evolving pain, invokes the dawn of the colossal battle that lays ahead. I’m unnervingly shivering; my eyesight begins to fade. Black murkiness rises from the corner of my vision. Fear accelerates my actions. From the metal case that’s constructed in my arm, I tear the lid and use it to crush the pills till it’s nothing but a small mound of white sand. I must stop this pain, it’s the only thing on my mind - pursuit the terminus. The noise I’ve created attracts unwanted attention, my fellow passengers on this hovering train turn to witness my sinful act. I feel their revulsion through their stares burning straight into my skull, another addition to the fucking torment. Condemn me all you want, loath me even further. They think they know, because of what they perceive, but they will not truly understand any of it. For those that condemn me have not the courage to undertake the voyage that I do. The passage awaits, the mound of white crumbs, the sand of time that takes reality away. Escape from the pain, here and now. I smack my head onto the small table aggressively. The lady is frightened by the loud thud and belittles me with a title I’ve received on several occasions. “Fucking junkie.’’ She hurries away in search of another compartment, not wanting to further witness my appalling act. I don’t give a damn about her opinion of me. I care for one thing only, and it’s right before my nose - my sweet crushed pill, only seconds away now to free myself from this place. I snort the white sand up my nose fervently till nothing of it is left. When the precious powder enters my nostrils, a dirty aftertaste occupies my mouth. It feels like breadcrumbs entering my windpipes - probably the dirt from the table that followed my white cure. A concoction of different scents and tastes float through my fading senses. I hear people sniggering and taking pictures. But I’m not bothered - not anymore. Not when I feel the cure mixing with my blood, entering my brain and embracing my subconscious mind, taking me far away from this place. Finally, the pain weakens, and my agony vanishes - I’ve defeated my demonic tormentor. I smear the blood away from my neck and clothes before shutting my eyes and embracing the endless void. Complete blackness eclipses my mind - no familiar faces, no familiar words, no lights shining through the eyelids. You have to be completely gone, let everything slip away from you, only then you can reach the realm you want to be in - the realm where all aspire to be heroes, not for glory or fame but for redemption for the times you weren’t.
There it is, I finally found it. I’ve been searching for hours, maybe days, through this endless void. And now, there spawns a realm that’s being created before my eyes by unknown powers. It shapes and shifts into a world that deserves to be saved. Mountains rise to pierce the sky, rivers form to leak into oceans, forests grow to conceal the dirt - a raw pristine planet. A true flourishing utopia looms before me. As I float through the endless void nearing this beautiful developing sphere, an obsidian surface materializes underneath me. A round desolated observation deck ascents pushing against the sole of my feet. The second I feel the contact, a sudden pressure of gravity is released, knocking me down to my knees. I immediately try to rise, but fail - I can’t stand. I’m entrapped by whatever this deviating thing is. Upon trying to use my strength to escape from the unknown detainment, I discover that the effort only strains my muscles sorely. This alien deck confines me with its forceful gravitational energy. All I can do is watch as I am transported away, rising straight-up and accelerating to someplace higher. I gaze at my utopia as it shrinks in size below me, reducing to a tiny dot, to then escape my perception. During the ascend of this cryptic voyage, the gravity steadily reduces. With great struggle and tiring muscles, I can finally stand up on this strange high-reaching plate. As I rise, I look above to see a familiar planet approaching. The world that I’ve become a deserter to, the planet I never choose to visit in the void. Why am I not in control? I was always able to journey freely through the void, searching for a place that I deemed worthy enough for me to act upon my valor. The obsidian surface discontinues its climb when beside the planet called Earth, my destination. I have a clear view of all that dwells down there, its brimming lights shining in the dark, its vile smoke polluting in the sun, its satellites and space stations reaching out - warning all other planets that soon they’ll be next. I don’t want to be here, I chose to escape reality, not have the perfect picture of it. Suddenly, I feel an intrusion sneaking up on me while I am gazing at Earth. A woman shrieks vehemently behind me, only the void should exist from where this horrifying sound came. I turn around to witness the arrival of my damsel in distress. A queen adorned in a purple space opera garment, floats on a golden dais towards my obsidian deck, both coalescing into a single surface. As a result, we both stand on opposite ends of this obsidian mingled with gold observation deck. My queen, my damsel, she looks as beautiful as ever. Even though I didn’t choose nor wanted to be here, her presence makes every voyage I undertake through this endless void worthwhile. I look into her alluring eyes, I seek to find out if she knows. My queen retains an indifferent countenance, not granting me any knowledge. Abruptly, from the black void at her back my nemesis invades. The void mutates into an inky sparkling curtain that patterns the shape of a man, extruding it forwards as it emerges through the curtain, disembarking from the black, separating itself from the void’s grip so it can move and act on its own accord. The surrogate of the void itself in man-like form, a shadowed silhouette prepared to wreak havoc. An entire hairless pitch-black humanoid figure, with fully charcoal eyes and a mouth that radiates the cosmic void itself, comes cravingly into play. Its dark arm, like a snake, creeps around her soft neck, choking her menacingly. Even with fear and pain sprouting in her alluring eyes, I can still find that beauty in her, that gracefulness that makes everything I do justifiable. It stresses me in an exciting manner - the fact that I’m the one who can save her, and with this feeling, the trip always starts. “Let her go!” I yell courageously at my nemesis. With its charcoal eyes staring dead into mine, it speaks with a distorted voice, “You walk away from this, and I’ll let her walk right behind you! You both can float endless, away from here. You don’t need this planet. You’ve neglected it, you lost your claim!” My queen says in a calming tone, tears streaming down her face, “You know what you have to do; his death means more than the two of us.” My nemesis reaches with its free hand into the void at its back, receiving a gun to then push hard against her beautiful face, leaving a mark. “Are you sure, eh? He came a long, long way to find you, and he’s finally here - to save the love of his life, once again!” As soon as its words reach my ear, my blood begins to boil, bubbling its way up, wanting to exit my brain and drying it out in the process. “No, no, not now.” I whisper to myself, as I realize what is going to happen. “Do it!” she screams. The dark demon echoes her, “Yes, do it, you coward!” I look down, trying to regain some control, realizing the restrain that I already lost. This isn’t supposed to happen. When I gaze upwards, trying desperately to focus, I notice that everything has transformed. The mingled observation deck gone from underneath me, mutated into a dark unfinished room where black ink blob-like holes cultivate in the walls, revealing the void circling around this floating place. Before me, my nemesis uninterruptedly still holds my queen hostage. Behind me, as if a giant had gnawed half of the room to create a gap only to show that planet Earth still exists. In the midst of this outlandish place an incongruous control panel spawns. That panel where my shadowed nemesis can change my world - where he can destroy planet Earth with the push of a button. Whoever controls that panel, controls my mind, becoming the director - the void shifter. Very carefully, the dark silhouette, steps towards it, all the while dragging my damsel by her throat. Our world is in danger - the realm that perceives me as a filthy junkie. Do I have any sympathy left for Earth? And if so, should I act upon it? I’m not there, not anymore; I’m far away. I escaped that place for the pain was haunting me, and now it followed me up - high into the void. As I am frantically contemplating about what to do next, my nemesis coarsely continues to drag my love closer towards the end, all the while keeping its dark eyes focused on me. “Does it hurt? Your delicate mind? Have you taken too much? You need to hurry before it’s too late.” My vision begins to fade, murkiness rising from the corner of my vision, just like before. That striking sound with all its hellish pain teasingly returns, it can’t be in here. And how does he fucking know? Nothing from reality correlates in here. The seconds that pass feel like hours; the air I breathe burns like fire in my throat; the spine-chilling coldness of this room scorches my skin like acid. It feels like I’m standing in the middle of a fuming nuclear crater, and when I prolong my blink, I realise and accept that I actually am. The void has transformed once again, but now to a nuclear crater with that fucking control panel still in the middle. Pain strikes intensely upon seeing the panel, blood leaks and spews from both ears - my brain feels as if it’s being kneaded by thorny hands. I can’t bear to stand this pain any longer, I fall with my knees in the fuming hot sand. All the while my nemesis advances closer to the panel, I scream at him, “Stop! What do you want? Why have you taken control?” My nemesis arrogantly replies, “I only stepped in to fill the void, since you lost it. If you want it to end, go ahead.” Between my knees in the sand, a gun is pushed upwards, throwing the sand aside. I gaze at the weapon - a bit of hope still brimming in me. The key to end this nightmare. With the small strength that I have left, I grab the weapon, rise from the ground and aim it at them. “You have to kill us both!” she yells. As I aim, my pain intensifies, circling again, returning with greater intensity. “You always wanted it to end, so now you have your wish!” she exclaims, blowing me a kiss. Her words stab me in the heart, not because they’re unfamiliar but because they state a truth I can’t bear to hear. Not here, not in one of my own realms. Still, I can’t endure this torture of the subconscious mind. I have to act. I try to steady my aim but am stricken with a hundred different painful feelings once again. My nemesis nears the control panel; he's almost within a hand’s reach. I must stop it - all of it; it’s not real. I raise my weapon a final time, and without the ability to aim properly - I’m left with one final solution. I fire every bullet I can at them. Multiple bullets penetrate its dark demon flesh and her soft human skin. They scream from the pain but laugh with fading joy soon afterwards. My nemesis and my love die before me, blood erupting from every exit - those created in the womb as well as the ones released by my bullets. Both my cruel enemy and my truest love fall to their graves, lying on pools of blood that keep expanding. The nuclear crater surrounding us falls away below me, descending into the deep void, along with the control panel that crumbles into sand, leaving me and the corpses alone in complete darkness.
I feel as though I’ve died, like there is a giant hole in my head from a bullet I’ve shot. As if a knife is being twisted and pulled inside my living brain. I scream at the top of my lungs, trying to return to reality, but nothing happens - only the pain remains. The pools of blood before me grow bigger, below them - there’s nothing except the black void. Both my love and my nemesis lie lifeless, their dead eyes staring right at me, which have both turned fully charcoal black. Blood flows from their wounds onto a transparent floor and advances towards me like a living organism. It carries along the metal case that was installed in my arm. It’s not on me anymore, but in the advancing red river. I grab the case as it floats right between my feet. The blood keeps spreading, spilling from the sides of the invisible floor, dripping all the way down into infinity. My pills! My beloved pills! My ticket away from the corrupted void! I open the metal case to see that it contains only a single pill - one pill enough to save me. I pinch the cure dearly between my fingers, opening my mouth eagerly. My vision suddenly cuts to total blackness and quickly returns, but the pill falls from my grip. Time slows down as I see the white dot fall into the red river. In an act of sheer desperation, I try to catch the pill that’s being pulled towards the invisible floor. I fail. Of course, I fail! I’ve heard tales of this ending, fables rooted right here in the void. I was arrogant to think it wouldn’t happen to me. “Please, no!” I scream, as the pill falls into the red liquid. “Don’t lock me in here!” Not without my precious cure. I need it! I can’t let it go! As the pill dissolves into the thick red river, a white blot forms around it, rapidly changing the red liquid into a murky white one. I must use it! I need it! I can still win this fight. I drop to my knees and dunk my face into that newly formed substance. My face gets soaked in the blood of my nemesis and my love, I’m seized by the adhesive liquid as it sticks to my face. It yanks me further down, by the grip it has on my head. I’m dragged face-first into a red ocean, baptized in blood. Below me floats the white substance, in my capsize I unknowingly bumped it further down - deeper. But I can still see it, there is still a chance for me to use it. This is it, my ultimate purpose. Fully submerged in blood I swim down towards the white substance, pushing desperately my nose against it. It does nothing, it doesn’t float any longer; it has solidified like a rock. As I attempt to scratch a piece of it, my nails break on impact. It doesn’t fucking move! The pain - it never ended but instead it closes in on me, like a hawk gliding towards its prey. Fearfully I look up, crying for help, only to hear nothing - not even my own scream. Complete blackness eclipses from above to then surround me. I can’t look down again. Everywhere I try to look, there’s nothing. I can’t feel my muscles moving. The corpses are gone; the ocean of blood is gone; even my body is gone, and when I realise that, the pain vanishes instantly. There’s nothing here but my thinking. The endless void has consumed me. I’ve become a part of the infinite nothingness; I’m just a mind drifting beyond the stars, towards the place where it all began - a white room with no walls, floor, or ceiling.